Shorts

It's Sohotta in the Sahara There were these 3 criminals who had just robbed a bank in Egypt. They were caught, convicted, and sentenced to exile in the Sahara Desert and they could each take only one thing. When they met in the desert they each were telling what they had brought. "I brought a loaf of bread, so when I get hungry, I'll have something to eat," said the first criminal. "I brought a water skin, so that when I get thirsty, I'll have something to drink," said the second. "I brought a car door, so that when it gets hot I can roll down the window." What does Hannibal Lecter call Britney Spears? Dinner at Hooters. The Confession - Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest that he has committed adultery. "Oh, no," said the priest. "Was it with Marie Brown?" "I'd rather not say who it was." "Was it with Betty Smith?" "I'd rather not say," says Joe. So the priest gives him absoultion and Joe leaves. While leaving the church, Joe's friend asks if he recieved absolution. "Yes, and two very good leads!" Did you hear about the blonde who tried to kill herself? She jumped out a basement window! What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic? Only about 2000 people went down on the Titanic. A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery. The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?" Why are E.T.'s eyes so big? Because he saw the phone bill! Sex is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. Tales From The Shire Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They take her to a local motel. The first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!" In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?" The first one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn''t do it." The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems, eh?" "No. I couldnt get on the bed!" How did Britney Spears cross the road? With a magic marker. What do you call a psychic midget who just escaped from jail? A small medium at large! Superman once wrote on the wall: "Batman is a wimp." The next day Batman wrote: "Superman is Clark Kent." How Sauron of "The Lord of the Rings" is like a Woman: 1. Both have been called "the greatest eneny of men" 2. Think they should rule the world 3. They obsess over jewelry 4. They spread gossip like the plague 5. They boss kings around like servants 6. They have an eye that sees all, or at least claim to 7. They hold a grudge for hundreds of years In "The Fellowship of the Ring" what did Sauron say to Frodo? "You're a hard hobbit to break!" What county in Ireland hates "South Park"? Killkenny Top 5 Lines Never Heard on the X-Files 5. "Sure we could have these people killed to protect what they know. . .but isn't that a little harsh?" 4. "I've seen this one before, Skully. His name is Casper and he's what we call a 'friendly' ghost." 3. "Look under the mask. . .this is no swamp monster. It's Mr. Handy, the owner of the old counrty store!" 2. "Well, Agent Mulder. . .you've caught us. We'll cooperate fully, of course." 1. "Gosh, I guess we were wrong. The government did have our best interests at heart, after all." back