50 Things to do at Wal-Mart

1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals. 2. Make a trail of orange juice all the way to the bathroom. 3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, “I think we have a code 3 in housewares,” and see what happens. 4. Put some M&M’s on layaway. 5. Move CAUTION WET FLOOR signs to carpet areas. 6. Set up a tent in the camping department, tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows in from the bedding department. 7. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, “why don’t you people just leave me alone?!” 8. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror as you pick your nose. 9. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme song to ‘Mission Impossible’. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are. 11. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size funnels. 12. Hide in the clothing rack and when someone browses through whisper, “pick me, pick me!” 13. When an announcement come over the loud speaker, assume the position and scream, “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!” 14. Go into the fitting room and yell really loud, “Hey! We’re outa toilet paper in here!” 15. Put condoms in other people’s shopping carts when they’re not looking…use extra small. 16. Hold indoor shopping cart races with your friends. 17. While walking through the store, stop next to someone and stare at them until they look over at you, then smile and say, “I have new socks on.” 18. At lunchtime in the food section when the samples are out, go up to one, take a sample, eat it and spit it out and say, “What the hell is this shit?” and walk away with a grossed out face. 19. Two words: Marco Polo 20. Go to the movie section and grab 5-10 copies of your favorite movie then in a crowded area in the store, set up the movies as if you were selling them and then act out the movie stopping only to sell them to people who walk by. 21. In the electronics, turn all the stereos up to full-blast onto a spanish station. 22. Put a box or two of pads or tampons in a single guys shopping cart when they are not looking. 23. Play with the automatic doors. 24. Ride the little electronic cars at the front of the store. 25. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap. 26. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, “who buys this crap anyway?” 27. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the whole store as your playing field. 28. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “wow…magic!” 29. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other isles. 30. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, “I’m Batman, come Robin, to the bat cave!” 31. Randomly throw other items over into neighboring isles. 32. Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics. 33. Attempt to fit yourself into very large gym bags. 34. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags. 35. Set up a VALET PARKING sign in the front of the store. 36. Re-alphabetize the CDs. 37. When someone steps away from his/her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word. 38. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out. 39. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time. 40. Dress up like a lamb and run around the store yelling, “SPOON!” 41. Walk around the store with a cell phone in hand and talk on the phone with someone (or pretend to) and keep repeating, “can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good.” Do this until they kick you out. 42. Pretend you’re invisible (i.e. go up to random people and do stuff while yelling, “I’m invisible! You can’t seee meeeee!”) 43. The oh, so famous glue a quarter to the floor and see who tries to pick it up. 44. In the bathroom, lay down on the floor (yes, lay down!), have a friend trace your outline with chalk (or in any part of the store at all). 45. Run up to someone in the store and try to strike up a conversation about the shit in the girl’s bathroom. 46. Run through the store yelling help. When someone comes to help say you got a tampon stuck up you. 47. Run up to some random person with a furry thong (or thongs) and say loudly, “you dropped this.” 48. Run around the store acting like you’re freaked out and if someone stops you and asks what you’re doing (or what’s wrong), say, “He/She’s after me!” and point at some random person in the store, back away from him/her slowly, and see what happens. 49. Play 500 with a football/baseball/softball with your friends and use the entire store as your field. 50. Go into the toys and have a toy war (i.e. G.I Joe’s and Pokemon vs. Barbies and Barney). back